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What do you think of my story?Part 1?

Ok, here is some. I'll put more like in Part 1 or part 2 and stuff. Back cover: I was seven when they came for us. I will always hear my mother’s dying screams. Why did they do it? How could they? Chaya was seven when they came. They destroyed her tribe and spilled innocent blood. Now Chaya must go into the normal human world with Mercury till they’re captured and taken away. The questions and revenge is an obsession. Did the Fire King have a reason or was it a whim? Will Mercury ever see again? Did the boy she’s in love with kill her tribe?- and is she supposed to be with him or someone else? It all leads up in( Don’t have a name yet) Chapter One: The Beginning- Chaya had been seven when it happened. “Sweetheart, go fetch a pail of water for Mommy, please?” Her mother, Sierra, was terribly ill. So, Chaya lovingly did as her sweet self was told. Her family and tribe lived far up in the North Pole, far from civilization and who cared about other people? She left the cozy, roomy tent to go to the water’s bank. She brought two pails for Mercury to double it to make one big pail. “Mama wants some water,” Chaya murmured to her twin who was making snow angels. With cinnamon skin and pale brown hair, Mercury didn’t look like a twin. She was more fun and adventurous than her white skin , reliable sister. “ Don’t you know how to have fun? Come and play,” Mercury coaxed. Sitting up to throw a snowball; she hit her target in the face. Chaya wiped the snow off her face and mutely handed her sister the pail and started to walk away. “Wait up, Chi-Chi!” Mercury called when she discovered her sister was seriously leaving. They walked in silence until half way out of the village, where they came across Samuel. Samuel a weird little black hair boy, who seriously got on Chaya’s nerves. She gave him once a bloody nose till Paul had stop her from going on to do permanent damage. “ Well if it isn’t the loony,” came Samuel’s usual calls. He had a cute round face with a dimpled smile, when he was nice anyway. “Yeah, he’s staring right at me!,” Chaya shot back. “Why don’t you join us for a snowball fight?” Samuel suggested, gesturing to the other children in the tribe.

Public Comments

1. wtf is this supposed to be????
2. really good but wat are they there tribe?
3. Samuel a weird little black hair boy, who seriously got on Chaya’s nerves. *Samuel was a weird little black hair boy, who seriously got on Chaya’s nerves.* Very nice, though I have no clue at all what it is supposed to be. Good descriptions, and make sure your commas and spaces are correct, but otherwise, very good!
4. Kind of confusing, but it's good. Check out my blog?http://mythoughtsonlifeandothervariousthings.blogspot.com/
5. somewhat confusing.
6. i have to agree with the other answers. its slightly confusing, but all in all enticing. it makes you want to find out who these callous people are. the ones that sacked her peaceful tribe. great job